A Relentless Surrender

/ Gina Haney

I don’t claim to know the ins and outs of how the whole thing went unraveling; but I have this relative whose wife just picked up and left him. After all those years, after three babies (one of which is in Heaven), thousands of diapers, hundreds of forever promises, I’m sure millions of tears. Date nights and maybe a few late night fights? All that ugly… …And all that beautiful! She just up and walked.

In this instance blood isn’t thicker than water. That side of my family is Jehovah’s Witness. They weren’t at most of our family get-togethers and we weren’t close. She however, while time and life had moved us, had been a special childhood friend many moons ago. We talked boys and rode bikes together. Always to the South Park and always my relative who she was crushing hard on. Even then as an oblivious girl; I remember seeing a hollowness in her. In the Jehovah’s Witness cult, her family (who are also Jehovah’s Witness), and friends within the church… They can’t/wont/aren’t supposed to talk to her now that she’s left. How’s that for filling the hollow with hallow?!

Her hurt must have been deep to choose to leave knowing she’d lose everyone.

I was in the back yard of my parents house on Mothers Day weekend when I saw her getting stuff out of a storage unit with another guy. Her head fell low; as if she had reason and shame. Maybe she missed the memo that we are all a little bit broken and confused?

A few weeks later, I was in the grocery store, and sandwiched between the chips and bread we met again. Again, heads drop, but my heart fell harder. What little I know of her since those bike rides is this: She’s always chasing hard. Not after my relative nowadays, but after a piece that’ll fit the hollow spot that was big enough for an oblivious child to see. She’s chased hard after more hobbies and jobs then I could name. Now there is another man too. And aren’t we all just standing in front of the mirror looking for the reason we matter?

Whats a lost girl got when the only gospel ever taught to her is false?!

There I was, dropping my head like the awkward mess I am, because I listened to the father of lies tell me that living gospel to her would only be hurtful and awkward!

If I could roll back time I would have lived gospel. Then I’d tell her what I want to tell you…what I have to tell myself: When we live for God, He calls us to live brave! Seriously Brave! Lions den, fiery furnace, five stones and a giant kind of brave. Relentlessly surrendering to him.

Sometimes brave means its time for change. A change of location, of mind, of heart. Sometimes it takes more bravery to stay exactly where we are and battle though the discontentment, emptiness or uncertainty of here. Sometimes it means starting a blog and posting your bare naked heart.

We all have got a hollow spot. And we’ve all chased hard to fill it. Sometimes stretching the hollow bigger by trying to cram things in that aren’t THE thing that will fill it. Only the Hallowed one can fill our hollow places.

Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
Psalm 16:11

Relentless surrendering to the path of life He shows us gives JOY and pleasures for evermore.

7 thoughts on “A Relentless Surrender”

  1. I am so proud of you and the profound thoughts that you have given on these pages to others. May God continue to work through you to minster to all of us that God guides your way. Praying that He will fill you with His Spirit as He works in your life and through this blog. God Bless!!!!

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    • I can’t tell you how much that means to me. Your encouragement gave me freedom to exhale. Were it not for you encouragement this last week I may have continued to wrestle this one. Your story gave me guts. I thought, “If she can do that I think surely I can do this.” Maybe that’s another reason God ask that of you? Thanks for saying yes to Him.

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  2. I’m so delighted that you have decided to share your gifts with the thirsty world. You are an undiscovered treasure, with such a wealth of golden insights. I will be an avid follower, looking for that quench to my dusty thirst. I love you, sweet girl!

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  3. Thank you for writing about your daily walk with Christ.
    I don’t know much about Jehovah witnesses (next to nothing, in fact).
    But is it any different than meeting just about anyone?
    Lots of people have a background that didn’t include being saved by Jesus.
    In today’s landscape, that isn’t unusual.

    I personally stopped testifying (on the other topic you mentioned) to non-believers when I was about 10. I wasn’t clear what I was testifying and I didn’t feel like I could ever put it into words, other Christians would understand. I felt so much for Jesus, that I felt separate even from other Christian believers. While I enjoyed spending time with other people involved in my faith, they didn’t seem to be the same as me. I felt I needed to really live true to Jesus and included as much as I could of his teachings. That isn’t exactly how anyone else feels. There is this side of Christianity that doesn’t allow the possibility that saved people, arn’t necessarily walking with Jesus. Like that get so far in their studies, then stop, when it becomes difficult.

    It becomes difficult, because Jesus ask us to separate ourselves from the world, and allow his holy spirit to grow in us. It takes time and dedication and faith (along with a group (church type) effort).

    So while we may feel it is hard to testify to non-believers, there will come a time, when you even have to testify to believers who have been led astray (but not in their view). And that is just as difficult.

    Why I mention this is because it has come full circle and now I find myself testifying about Jesus, but in a way that allows for both believer and non-believer beliefs.

    We really arn’t that prepared for the Kingdom of Christ. It may be a difficult journey is required, to allow ourselves to become the testament (in the way we are with Christ, inside), rather than share our beliefs as fact to others (when they just may be ideas, only, on what Christ wants from us).

    Contemplation use to be utilized more by believers. It is time for a comeback.

    Thanks for sharing again (and allowing this space to exist for our replies).

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    • You are absolutely right. I was just writing of how God has been dealing with me in this one expierence. However, I have struggled with the “Complacent” or “inactive” christian issue too. It’s actually been a nonstop constant struggle for me. As I have people I love very much insistent that they need not live it because of grace and while I agree it’s only by grace we are saved Jesus said, “if you love me you’ll keep my commandments.” Living it should be the natural result but unfortunitly everything you said was correct.
      The comment you made that touched me most was about how isolating and lonely it is when you choose to be a peculiar person. Living all in is unusual even within the church at times. I’m finding that most people don’t agree with my family’s choices to live as we feel Christ is instructing us. Thankfully we have many good soldiers who’ve gone before us whom we can draw strength from. I’ve been studying Paul recently. What a great example of being in but not of the world. It’s been very encouraging.
      Thank you so much for your comment. That you took the time from your life to read my words and share your thoughts is a gift. A bit of Glory. I hope we speak again, but if not lets talk long in Heaven!
      Gina

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