Confession: I don’t always feel lovable–or even likeable; to the point of creating an idol out of others approval. I have spent many a long nights laying in bed regretting comments I’ve made. I have chosen to do things at a high cost in effort of earning approval or love. Too high of a cost.
You know all those beautiful things God says about how much He loves us? I believe they are true… For you. And I walk around measuring myself up. I’ve never been good enough, thin enough, kind enough, a good enough wife, mother, friend… Being perfect is exhausting! Let alone impossible. So here I am, unworthy. Unworthy of blessings. Unworthy of position. Unworthy of love…
I just finished doing 30 Days of Praying God’s Names with Tony Evans. I was amazed at the new names for God that I had never heard before. When I tried to count the names of God I came to 235. I am certain that isn’t exactly accurate but I think we can all agree that there are gobs. Me? If you count my maiden name I have four. If my name determined who I was to be as in the days of the Bible; I’d be a renowned tiller of the soil. Mom and Dad thanks for not making me a mediocre or an inferior tiller of the soil.
Not God though. His names have meaning. They are all an attribute of God. You may or may not know who I am based on my four names but it takes hundreds to even begin to know who God is. King Solomon said, “The heavens and the highest heavens can’t even contain you, but you are going to dwell in this temple I’ve built!” That got me thinking about another verse I’ve read: “What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?” Corinthians 6:19 And I’m all, “The heavens, the highest heavens, and even Solomon’s Temple couldn’t contain you but you’re dwelling in me?!
We have established that God is indescribable, uncontainable, and once we are saved He is dwelling in us. I’m thinking we should ditch the scales, toss the ruler and just seek our worth in the Bible.
Amber. Now that’s a girl who knows where a person’s value comes from. You know what she told the homeless girl she brought home? “God sees you and I am proof he sees you. He sent me to help you because you matter.”
I can’t stop thinking about how God saw that scrawny dirty little shepherd boy. David mattered. I doubt many thought the girl running the brothel was measuring up to much either but God saw her heart and He thought Rahab mattered enough to be an ancestor to Christ. You can find yourself running far from home tending your father-in-laws sheep, You can find yourself in the belly of a fish at the bottom of the ocean; God sees you, wants to use you and says you matter. You’ve lost hope? Yeah, so did Sarah. That didn’t stop God from blessing her.
When God told Samuel that he seen as man but God sees the heart. I think that applies to how we see ourself. I get so busy beating myself up for all the ways I don’t measure up I don’t even know my own heart, but God does. He finds us at the bottom of the ocean, in the dark ugly of the red-light district, and wallowing in hopelessness. He sees our hearts and he claims them.