Author: Gina Haney

For When You are Afraid of Faith

/ Gina Haney / 2 Comments

The saying goes, “If her head wasn’t attached she’d lose it.” Well… that’s me. I don’t think it was ever intended to be a saying, but more a prophecy of my coming. I love lists, but more than that; I need lists. They keep me sane, motivated and showing up to birthday parties. All that to say, schedules and lists are important to me. That’s why I was able to morph from smiling, Bless the Lord oh my soul oh oh my soul homeschool mommy to a foul, one day at a time sweet Jesus hairstylist when a client called and needed her hair done before noon and my to-do list was already suffocating me.

Not five minutes after she planted herself in my chair I realized, maybe this wasn’t really an urgent hair appointment. Yeah. The tears gave that away. I stand there looking at this tiny woman with this enormous heart and no room for God, and I feel so Moses. “God give me words because I’m socially awkward and God, this is why I told you I couldn’t be a ministers wife.” I ask if it would be ok for me to pray with her.

Then there’s the faith fear. You know, the I have faith but what if God chooses opposite of what we see as “our good” and she thinks me and my God are hogwash? Lets face it, sending your boy off to war has consequences. Just ask 5,281 soldiers Mommas and Daddies about that.

What if? Am I going to be responsible for false hope?

So what do you say when God is outside of time and we are not? He has no time but we feel time is all we got. And  how much time does she have on this earth with this child?

But we pray and hug and I wonder what’s going to come of all of this. I want her to be saved. She wants God to save her boy but not her soul. I see a lot of losing in all this winning. I mean I was blessed to share prayer with her but I feel like I missed the mark, because what do we have if we gain the whole world but lose our soul?

I do know this. Jesus has a heart for what in the big picture may look like the small stuff. No being a mommy don’t amount to a hill of beans compared to being saved. And I guess losing your farm don’t amount to much next to losing heaven. But the God who became flesh and dwelt among us as fully man… He gets it. He heart-pounding bloody-sweat kind of gets it. He is a restoring two fold kind of God. He is a barren woman conceiving twins, lame walking, eyesight giving kind of God. When overwhelmed with faith fears whisper it ,shout it, pen it down; The Lord is not slack in His promises… Peter 3:9

I am so glad that God is outside of time and don’t give a flying flip about my lists or agenda.


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A Relentless Surrender

/ Gina Haney / 7 Comments

I don’t claim to know the ins and outs of how the whole thing went unraveling; but I have this relative whose wife just picked up and left him. After all those years, after three babies (one of which is in Heaven), thousands of diapers, hundreds of forever promises, I’m sure millions of tears. Date nights and maybe a few late night fights? All that ugly… …And all that beautiful! She just up and walked.

In this instance blood isn’t thicker than water. That side of my family is Jehovah’s Witness. They weren’t at most of our family get-togethers and we weren’t close. She however, while time and life had moved us, had been a special childhood friend many moons ago. We talked boys and rode bikes together. Always to the South Park and always my relative who she was crushing hard on. Even then as an oblivious girl; I remember seeing a hollowness in her. In the Jehovah’s Witness cult, her family (who are also Jehovah’s Witness), and friends within the church… They can’t/wont/aren’t supposed to talk to her now that she’s left. How’s that for filling the hollow with hallow?!

Her hurt must have been deep to choose to leave knowing she’d lose everyone.

I was in the back yard of my parents house on Mothers Day weekend when I saw her getting stuff out of a storage unit with another guy. Her head fell low; as if she had reason and shame. Maybe she missed the memo that we are all a little bit broken and confused?

A few weeks later, I was in the grocery store, and sandwiched between the chips and bread we met again. Again, heads drop, but my heart fell harder. What little I know of her since those bike rides is this: She’s always chasing hard. Not after my relative nowadays, but after a piece that’ll fit the hollow spot that was big enough for an oblivious child to see. She’s chased hard after more hobbies and jobs then I could name. Now there is another man too. And aren’t we all just standing in front of the mirror looking for the reason we matter?

Whats a lost girl got when the only gospel ever taught to her is false?!

There I was, dropping my head like the awkward mess I am, because I listened to the father of lies tell me that living gospel to her would only be hurtful and awkward!

If I could roll back time I would have lived gospel. Then I’d tell her what I want to tell you…what I have to tell myself: When we live for God, He calls us to live brave! Seriously Brave! Lions den, fiery furnace, five stones and a giant kind of brave. Relentlessly surrendering to him.

Sometimes brave means its time for change. A change of location, of mind, of heart. Sometimes it takes more bravery to stay exactly where we are and battle though the discontentment, emptiness or uncertainty of here. Sometimes it means starting a blog and posting your bare naked heart.

We all have got a hollow spot. And we’ve all chased hard to fill it. Sometimes stretching the hollow bigger by trying to cram things in that aren’t THE thing that will fill it. Only the Hallowed one can fill our hollow places.

Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
Psalm 16:11

Relentless surrendering to the path of life He shows us gives JOY and pleasures for evermore.