I thought she was a righteous woman. Never mind that I ignored the prompting of the spirit and the pleading of my bored child to hightail it outa there. How could anyone say these things let alone someone I felt an understudy to. I knew what was being said wasn’t kind and I had hoped to sway her to love and compassion. I never intended to get caught up in the heinous crime. I wasn’t even aware that I was guilty by association until I was told to , “not talk so loud!” And if it ain’t about you, and it ain’t about me, and nobody’s having a surprise party… It’s gossip. CRUD! The slippery ugly sin of gossip. BUT— I was trying to speak kind words in her defense. BUT— I myself did NOT say ANYTHING ugly. BUT— I still feel like I did, and I still stayed when God said go. I still laughed at the ugly to fit in. If gossip is murder and the Bible says it is; then I was guilty by association. My heart hurts; partly because she pointed out the singularly most painfully discomfited part of me–my voice. The other part–I’m smack dab in the middle of gossip. The ugly murderous kind that’s in the Bible. I held the tears back until I got to the car, and even then made it a good way home before Josh ask me what was wrong and I outed the whole ugly story between sobs. Particularly broken by how this woman I had admired so much had not just disappointed me but had embarrassed me in an area I had been vulnerable in confiding to her about. The next morning I cracked my Bible. My eyes moved across the words but that was the extent of it. Desperate for peace I took my Bible to the bath (When I am sad I clean; the house, my body. It doesn’t matter I clean it.). I knew Ezekiel was a bust that morning. I needed lighter reading. So it was David. You know how David loved Saul even though Saul hurt him and even attempted to kill him over and over and over? Why on earth would he do that? I mean Saul’s a nut, a bad egg, a hot head. David, you know he can’t be trusted?! All I know is David kept saying Saul was chosen and anointed King by God and that was enough for him. So I pick up my book, and wouldn’t you know Max Lucado cleared it up. Max told of how he had left his dog at a kennel and another dog had managed to get in with his dog nearly killing her. Max wrote a letter to the other dog’s owner suggesting the violent dog be put down. Max took the letter to the kennel and the owner of the kennel said, “I ask you to reconsider. What that dog did was unthinkable, but I’m training him and I’m not done with him yet.” Max explained that sometimes people do unthinkable things, but God isn’t done with them yet. Is Gods forgiveness only big enough to cover my part in the crime? Does this mean this woman is not the righteous, anointed, mentor-worthy woman she was a week ago? David was hurt, scared, lonely: BUT— He knew that Saul was still special, chosen, anointed. I was embarrassed, ashamed, disappointed: BUT— I know God’s no more done with her than HE is with me.
I’m the girl holding up the drive-thru. I take too long. I take too long to choose from the menu. I take too long to choose an outfit. I take too long at the store. I take too long deciding on plans.
I also take too much. I pack too many outfit choices. I buy too many hair products. I own too many eyeliners. I say too many yes’ that should be no’s, and too many no’s that should be yes’.
The point is to choose one word as your focus and reminder of your goal for the year. Here we are in the second half of January and I’m just now deciding. I was holding out for an epiphany. I knew all along what I needed to choose though. It’s nothing deep and super spiritual. It’s been blogged, preached, talked, published and made its way to the bargain books by now.
I am also too messy. I take too many words. I need at least a four word minimum. Be fully here to fully hear; a do-over lesson for me.
My decision was affirmed last week when a friend called hoping for a hair appointment for that same day. I explained that I was full and we set an appointment for the following morning. I said I would see her tomorrow. I expected her to say, see you tomorrow. As I pulled he phone from my ear and hit the end call button I realized she said, “I’ll see you tomorrow if I’m ok enough.” I was in such a hurry to get to what I was deeming most important that I finished her sentence and cut her off. In doing that I told her she wasn’t important to me. I called her back and turns out she needed a friend more than a haircolor.
How many times have I failed to love people well because the timer on the cloths dryer went off? I received a text? I needed to scrub the toilet before the blue cleaner I had just put in it got flushed?
Be fully here to fully hear. Because when I am dividing my attention I am saying, you don’t matter.
People matter most.
Be fully here to fully hear. Fully hear God, our friends, our family, the girl working the register…
People matter most.
No big epiphany or super spiritual thoughts. Just a do-over. Be fully here to fully hear.
Anyone want to tell me your word/words for the year and your thoughts behind them? Leave a comment. I would LOVE to hear. And I promise to be fully here to fully hear you, because you matter.
Motherhood has taught me a lot, like: dry erase markers wont come off vinyl, colic is deadly…to the parents, mouse traps are nearly worthless unless you want to catch a little boy and boys like repetition. Why else would he get caught in the mouse trap two times, and why else would he get his head stuck in the potty ring three times?
On this day I learned from these two anointed men speaking scripture, church and vision in my living room. Mark said, “They received law under Moses, but they received the Promise Land under Joshua.” My husband helped me to study in beauty school so much that I am sure he could pass State Boards. I however, only recall learning that Joshua or Yesua in Hebrew was a common form of the name Jesus from Josh’s time in college. Joshua (Jesus) gets you to the Promise Land. Not Moses, not Law. Jesus.
We’ve all done it if only mentally. Tried, convicted, and sentenced by the law we were given to live by not to judge by.
Ann Voskamp said, “When the world is selling goods dressed up as love while the church is selling law dressed up as good news—guess where the next generation starts lining up.”
A client turned friend told me in the salon how she wasn’t able to count on her parents for food, water and shelter let alone love, security and affirmation. She says her mom spent time in hospitals and it hurts to hear people talk about crazy or loony people (I rethink how carelessly I say crazy). Her dad kicked her out at 15 and she moved in with her now husband.
In the mirror I see her reflection, one part shame one part defense. She says, “I know that’s sin; to live with a man and not be married.” As if I’m ready to throw that stone. No. Thank. You.
She calls us who keep the Sabbath holy “church people”. She knows just enough about church people to know she doesn’t want any part of church.
I told her what the whole body of Christ should be proclaiming, “Yes. That’s sin, and there is a lot of church people who would cast that stone, but I am a Christian and I am just going to love you.”
Are we really teaching Law, and rules and a Christ that’s merely a way to heaven? Is He no more than a tool? When did Heaven rather than relationship with God become the prize? When did Hell reather than separation from our creator become the punishment? We should be afraid when eternal heat is more scary than eternal separation.
This all sounds good right? What about when things get personal? What about when someone you love sins against you? Can I still choose love when I am forced from theory to practical application? What about when it becomes personal, painful, punishable? I mean I would have every right! Right? Oh don’t think I didn’t clutch the stone! And I would be right—but what about righteous? What good and holy would come from throwing a stone? Only loss of relationship and more disguising the law as love.
Designed to commune with God in the garden but choosing to wonder around clutching stone tablets that cant save us from Hell.
We are following Moses around a dessert when it’s Yesua—Jesus who gets you to the Promise Land.
Billy Graham said, “It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, God’s job to judge, and my job to love.” I say we are so busy being church people and doing God’s job that we don’t have time to do our own.
Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. Romans 13:10