I thought she was a righteous woman. Never mind that I ignored the prompting of the spirit and the pleading of my bored child to hightail it outa there. How could anyone say these things let alone someone I felt an understudy to. I knew what was being said wasn’t kind and I had hoped to sway her to love and compassion. I never intended to get caught up in the heinous crime. I wasn’t even aware that I was guilty by association until I was told to , “not talk so loud!” And if it ain’t about you, and it ain’t about me, and nobody’s having a surprise party… It’s gossip. CRUD! The slippery ugly sin of gossip. BUT— I was trying to speak kind words in her defense. BUT— I myself did NOT say ANYTHING ugly. BUT— I still feel like I did, and I still stayed when God said go. I still laughed at the ugly to fit in. If gossip is murder and the Bible says it is; then I was guilty by association. My heart hurts; partly because she pointed out the singularly most painfully discomfited part of me–my voice. The other part–I’m smack dab in the middle of gossip. The ugly murderous kind that’s in the Bible. I held the tears back until I got to the car, and even then made it a good way home before Josh ask me what was wrong and I outed the whole ugly story between sobs. Particularly broken by how this woman I had admired so much had not just disappointed me but had embarrassed me in an area I had been vulnerable in confiding to her about. The next morning I cracked my Bible. My eyes moved across the words but that was the extent of it. Desperate for peace I took my Bible to the bath (When I am sad I clean; the house, my body. It doesn’t matter I clean it.). I knew Ezekiel was a bust that morning. I needed lighter reading. So it was David. You know how David loved Saul even though Saul hurt him and even attempted to kill him over and over and over? Why on earth would he do that? I mean Saul’s a nut, a bad egg, a hot head. David, you know he can’t be trusted?! All I know is David kept saying Saul was chosen and anointed King by God and that was enough for him. So I pick up my book, and wouldn’t you know Max Lucado cleared it up. Max told of how he had left his dog at a kennel and another dog had managed to get in with his dog nearly killing her. Max wrote a letter to the other dog’s owner suggesting the violent dog be put down. Max took the letter to the kennel and the owner of the kennel said, “I ask you to reconsider. What that dog did was unthinkable, but I’m training him and I’m not done with him yet.” Max explained that sometimes people do unthinkable things, but God isn’t done with them yet. Is Gods forgiveness only big enough to cover my part in the crime? Does this mean this woman is not the righteous, anointed, mentor-worthy woman she was a week ago? David was hurt, scared, lonely: BUT— He knew that Saul was still special, chosen, anointed. I was embarrassed, ashamed, disappointed: BUT— I know God’s no more done with her than HE is with me.
2 thoughts on “Guilt By Association”
As your aunt and friend, my first thought as I read this was, “Who hurt my sweet girl, and where’s my big stick?!” I don’t know what happened, even though the despicable, gossip mongering part of me wants to, but I am certainly blessed by your forgiving and understanding attitude. I love your spirit and loving nature. I aspire to be like that. It is also a reminder to me, that people are watching me and my reactions to various adversity. I need to shut up more often than I do. I’m sure glad God isn’t done with me yet….because I’m so incredibly imperfect and unattractive and need lots of work!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s so sweet. I love that you’d flog someone for little ol’ me. Lol. Thank you for your comment. I really didn’t see anything spiritual coming from this for MANY long days. I really learned more lessons from this expierences than just this one. I learned just what you mentioned. Eyes are on us and our example. I wonder how many times someone’s left my presence feeling down because I had an ugly spirit. I wonder how many people I’ve drug down with me by talking to them instead of God.
You have no idea just how beautiful you are. I can’t tell you the times your words have encouraged, calmed and empowered me. I count you as a 1000gifts.